Unexpected opportunities to feel better about ourselves
In my weakest moments I’m afraid that people don’t think me worth listening to, that my opinions and what I have to say are not valued. That I’m not seen to have any worth. At the crux of all this then, I can’t avoid asking myself, am I fearful of these things because they actually reflect how I really feel about myself?
Psychology 101, I know right. But it’s important, because this sort of crap lurks within the murky depths of most of us. And it rears itself up and bares its jagged teeth more often than I like.
Take me and my friend. We both got our backs up this week over a text conversation we had in which we had different points of view. She was offended by a blatant comment I made and took it very personally. In turn, I was pissed off that I always have to censor speaking my truth so others don’t feel uncomfortable. Then a really uncomfortable edgy feeling rose up in my own belly. It was my own taking it personal… let’s call it fear. Cue in all my usual insecure thoughts.
Maybe you can relate, being that you’re human.
Friendships and relationships of all kinds are complicated, clumsy and messy combobulations, while also being incredibly beautiful, wondrous things. Because without them and without differences of opinion, saying the wrong (or the right, depending on how you look at it) things and pressing buttons and taking things personally sometimes, we simply wouldn’t grow. And cripes, I deplore stagnation.
My BF and I also have very differing beliefs about some things that are hugely important to me. This aggravates the hell out of me – I can get outraged, tearful even, wonder why we are together at all when we disagree on such things ra-ra-ra. While he takes it all calmly in his stride like men often do (at least on the surface), for me those feelings of vulnerability lurch right back up and bite me.
But more recently I’ve started to really appreciate our different viewpoints. Where I used to avoid bringing any of these clearly contentious topics up in conversation because all it did was enrage me, now I find myself becoming grateful that we can talk/argue/get passionate about stuff. Debate is healthy. Thinking outside our own mindset has absolute merit. I also get to sharpen up my responses to others on topics I care about thanks to all the practice!
My Facebook feed is largely full of viewpoints with which I completely concur, because I subscribe to them and show me anyone that doesn’t like validation. Like-minded people make us feel good about ourselves. But my relationships in life won’t always and neither should they, or how will I evolve further than the end of my own beak?
They say never take things personally, but I say that when I do it can still be a blessing. It’s an opportunity. When people get my back up, or have me ranting and raving (even if just inside my own head) and I feel uncomfortable, vulnerable or insecure – there’s an opening right there to dig deeper inside and hopefully get to a point of understanding what my reactions are actually about. So often in life we’re discouraged from really experiencing and feeling our emotions, and it’s sacrilege and harmful in my opinion.
I know what happened with my friend this week wasn’t really about the surface difference of opinion or even whether either of us had a right to get offended by what the other person said or did. It was about why it made each of us feel uncomfortable. It was about seeing and accepting our own fears that poke gnarly fingers through the holes that we all have somewhere in our own self-worth. Armed with that, I can move a bit further forward on my personal journey to overcoming them if I’m so inclined.
So yeah, it’s often as awkward as anything, but I reckon it’s also a gift of growth.
There are lots of tools and modalities out there to help us along the way with self-discovery and it’s fun to give different things a shot. I love my essential oils for helping me to process and support my emotions and keep me open-hearted. Contact me if you’d like to learn more about the essential oils shown in this post and the many other certified pure therapeutic grade essential oils that can be of huge benefit in providing us with emotional support.
**These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.